


Why Do Only Death Screens Have a "Continue?" Button?

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, LMAO, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minor Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Minor Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam, My First Fanfic, Not Canon Compliant - The Homestuck Epilogues, Not Epilogue Compliant, Warnings May Change, bad covid19 joke ignore me, bear with me i have no idea what im doing, dirk is self isolating but not because of health reasons, john has Burnt Out Hero disease, only possibly the violence one because i might include a flashback to in canon stuff, theyre both mentioned and shown but not focused on, this picks up some time after the snapchat stories at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:02:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23276776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: John Egbert has a problem. He's alive, he's healthy, and all of his friends came with him to their own little paradise of a planet, Earth C, where they can all be alive and healthy together. So why can't he get out of his bed?a dirk/john fic of these two depressed losers opening up, being vulnerable, actually talking to their friends and family, and maybe kissing a littleDISCONTINUEDjune egbert and the perspective of trans fems on the topic of her matter more than a mlm ship between two characters who have never interacted in canon. just ship dirkjake
Relationships: Dirk Strider & Dave Strider, Dirk Strider/John Egbert, Jane Crocker & Dave Strider, John Egbert & Jade Harley, John Egbert & Jane Crocker
Comments: 7
Kudos: 36





	1. Chapter One

Your name is John Egbert. You are freshly 24 years old, and you can't bring yourself to get out of bed. Every nerve in your body is screaming at you "get up John!" but when you think you might, you just- can't. Your blurred vision glazes over the dark spots of your ceiling, where there is enough light from the rising sun to see. You want to, but you still can't do it.

You're not awake this early on purpose, oh god no. It's just routine, you guess. Dad... He always woke you up at this time, every since you were a little kid. Then, when you got into the game, you never had a reason to stop. Regardless if there wasn't even a set day and night, like on that three year journey, you'd be up when you'd _think_ it was morning. You never even thought about it, that is, until now.

Light from your phone illuminates your room for a moment, and your eyes are given more light to see those dark, presumably water leak, spots. Sweeping, sweeping, hungry for some change, some difference, your eyes take them in, and then the light goes out again. You never actually bother to count anyways.

Your phone dings. Your sluggish, still tired mind ponders after a moment on who you think it must be. Dave is never up this early, unless Karkat and him are doing stupid movie marathons, and Rose has the decency to wait until more a socially acceptable time to bother people. That leaves only one person: Jade. She always forgets you never check your text messages, which is what you guess the first notification was. You just like Pesterchum better, so that's why you keep the nostalgic little sound it makes for notifications on, even though you hardly ever open them anymore. 

Opposite from you, Jade has become big on texting and exchanging phone numbers now, even having gotten some from the people who live on Earth C. Or, you guess, the people who have always lived here? Since all of you guys live here, too. Earth C natives? Who knows. You sure don't, but all you know is that she has especially made many friends from the Consort kingdom, and spends a good amount of time there visiting them or shootin' the shit with Jake. While you're not quite sure how good of conversationalists Consorts make, living in a neighborhood full of them disregarded, Jake, well...

She's invited you to come along to hang out many times, but... You don't want it to be awkward. Yeah, yeah, you should really try to get close with your ectobiological grandparents because they, along with Jade, are the only family you have left, but it's hard. You never had what Jade and Jake had, and it's become hard to look at Jane on a good day. Oh, that sounds bad, its not because she did anything! But, she still has _her_ dad, and every time you look at her you remember all the stories yours would tell you about Nanna, all the crazy things she got up to as a kid. And then you'd remember all the stories about the shenanigans he's gone on, the mischief hes gotten into, then him baking those infamous cakes, and then him teaching you how to shave for the first time...

God you miss him.

A flood of dings ring from your phone. It doesn't stop, even after several seconds pass. Finally, after almost a minute of a near constant onslaught, you give in, rolling over to check the notifications.

GG: happy birthday john!!!! i got up early just to say it first :B  
GG: joooooooohn i know youre awake, you told me youre an early bird yo...  
GG: i have a surprised planned :) youre gonna love it i swear, message me b...  
GG: alright man its been way over an hour  
GG: john egbert i swear to god i will bust down your door if you dont answe...  
GG: at least text jane happy birthday too, for petes sake

GG: Hey, John, happy double birthday! :) We haven't talked much lately, tha...  
GG: But running a bakery is like that, haha! Enough about that, I got a little si...  
GG: Anyways, talk to Jade! She misses you, we all do!

TT: Happy 24th, John. Jade is telling me you're not answering her messages, a...

GA: Good Morning And Happy Human Wriggling Day John  
GA: We Arent Ones To Speak Often But It Is An Important Day  
GA: And As Such Im Told We Are Going To Be Hosting A Sort Of Party At Jane...  
GA: I Promise You It Will Not Be Over The Top As I Am Sure You Would Expec...  
GA: It Will Start At One And I Hope I Will See You There  
GA: We All Do

TG: happy birth bro come on wakey wakey its too early for a midlife crisis th...  
TG: its also too early for me to be awake but whatever, karkat says happy bi...  
TG: wait let's be real can we even have midlife crises anymore or will we hav...  
TG: i guess wed have one when we think we would or some shit man i dont k...  
TG: anyway text jade back shes being annoying as always   
TG: just kidding but seriously dude shes getting worried at this point  
TG: did she tell you about the party?

There are more messages from Dave, but you can't be bothered to read them. Most of the timestamps read within the last ten minutes, more having come in as you looked at them, but Jade's range from one to around three hours ago. Wait, shit, three hours? You have a tendency to zone out without even noticing, not even losing your train of thought, but that's pretty bad. You were so stuck in your head you didn't even notice the ones she sent before the bombarding of all your friends.

You groan, rolling onto your back. The dark spots, without you noticing, have become illuminated completely. Your ineffective blinds once again hiding nothing of the suns insistence to be obnoxious as shit. With another groan, just for good measure, you sit up. You have social obligations to meet, damn it.

\---

After a couple more minutes of rethinking your decision, and having to resist crawling right back into your warm blankets, you force yourself to get up. The bright lights of your bathroom greet you harshly as you brush your teeth, and do all those other morning things. You avert your gaze in the mirror while brushing, and after a very warm shower, you avert your eyes again to change. There's no point looking at how awful you look, since you already know you look it. At least you recently gave yourself another one of your crude, safety-scissor-haircuts, because while they may not look as clean as a barber would do, they're good enough, damn it!

At least, that's what you try to convince yourself, as you fight a losing battle of pushing your hair flat during breakfast.

Half an hour later and you're dressed, way more stressed than is acceptable for a man during his birthday, and sending a helpless glance to your living room. Nobody is here to see it, obviously, but if they did they'd be able to read your "Help me!" expression from a mile away. Finally, you turn to face your front door.

Now or never, you think, as you open the door and step through.

==> BE DIRK

You are now Dirk Strider, and you are vastly under prepared for the day laid out before you. It is the birthday of Jane Crocker and John Egbert, and the days have been flying by so fast, you're even surprised it's April already. Let alone their dual day of birth. You'd say you were trying to keep track, but your calendar that has been left unmarked since February says otherwise. 

You skim the months preceding, and tear the ones out until now. The image for this month is of a 1992 era Robert Smith of The Cure, who is... Holding several pairs of colorful socks, with editing on the image to simulate movement? You don't question these sort of things. 

You have always held a great appreciation towards old calendars that share the same layout of days for the current year. It's what you used back home, anyway, as your bro had to stock up for you somehow. Plus, you believe it was a way for him to show you his interests in a more subtle way, as opposed to the mixing set you used only as a table. While The Cure may not be your favorite band, it does help you feel closer to your bro, like you understand him more. Even to where you could almost picture him sitting right where you liked to sit, chilling and listening to tunes.

Speaking of your bro, or of bros in general, really, Dave messages you.

TG: hey dude janey, rox, and i were thinking about meeting up at the crock pot sometime around 1 for the crockerbert birthday bash are you down  
TG: you dont technically have to say yes but jane over my shoulder says you do so id choose wisely who you listen to ifhfkjeylui5a8py c  
TG: You better come Dirk! You wouldn't want to upset me, now, would you? :(   
TG: Wdva6,a 58,  
TG: ignore her she was grinning like a witch when she typed that sad face  
TG: well not a *witch* witch but you know what i mean  
TG: anyways be there or be square bro if youre down or something

He doesn't even wait for you reply before exiting out of the conversation. Which, is fair, and is understandable. If there isn't some event to go to or someone else egging him on, the two of you rarely speak. Not intentionally, truly, but neither of you know how to proceed with having a tangible brother, as is your case, or another version of a shitty one, as is his. 

You heard him loud and clear when he said he didn't blame you for what _he_ did, when the two of you had talked all those years ago on that rooftop, but it doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt him. It's better for you to stay out of peoples way, especially his, as it makes it harder for you to mess shit up worse than you already have. Or than some version of you has. There's hardly a difference, anyways.

You hesitate over the two chumhandles on your phone, before deciding to respond to Jane. She'll relay the response to Dave, anyways.

TT: I'll be there.

\---

Two hours and a very hot shower later, you're flying through the air towards the Human kingdom, over what in another world would be the Atlantic Sea. It's not the best method of travel, as you have to wear your stupid Prince get-up so you can magic the bugs off of you afterwards, but it's the way you like to do it. It reminds you of when you were fourteen, and built your first, and last, model of a jet pack. It was made of completely wrong pieces of metal and machinery you had laying around, and didn't even last thirty full minutes of testing in the air, but the feeling was exhilarating. After so long of seemingly endless monotony, being able to see your high rise apartment in another light was a treasure. 

Yes, it did fail, causing you to make a frightening forty foot plunge into the chilly water below. Then, so you could stay afloat, you were required to hastily take the failed experiment off and let it sink to the bottom of the extended Gulf of Mexico, as you dubbed it. But, the feeling stuck with you. Nothing beats soaring through clear skies over a vast stretch of the sea, in your eyes.

You'll forever stay peeved at the poofy pants, though.

Anyways, with said god tier abilities, you're able to go much faster than any made aircraft, and so it doesn't take long for you to come across the shore of the Human Kingdom. John and Jane don't live too far inland or from each other, and so in no time at all you soon slow to a hover above Jane's place. She went with modern style homes, reminiscent of the one she and her Dad used to have. 

John did too, more or less, but his is in the further, Consort neighborhood of this area. You're at just the right angle to see it in the distance. You haven't been inside, there has never been any reason to, but you see it on the odd occasion you visit the Crocker residence.

Without further adieu, you lower to the ground, your feet landing on the sidewalk softly. In a swirl, you switch out of your Prince clothes, and are dressed once again in your white muscle tee and black jeans.

You just hope coming isn't a mistake.


	2. why im discontinuing this and why dirkjohn actually makes me quite uncomfortable now

I started this fic before quarantine started several months ago, and while it has partly been this that has killed my inspiration to write, this fic in particular I've had difficulty in continuing. Outside of general poor outlining on my part, Egbert is not a dude!! She is a transgender woman, this is canon and universal. It isn't okay to ship her with a gay man. I did used to try and compromise this, but hearing the perspective of trans women on this subject have opened my eyes to how.... jacked it is to keep defending this ship when? It's a rairpair anyway, and is now one plagued by the problems it has. If you're interested on reading the takes of trans feminine ppl on this topic please look into this:

https://juneegbert101.carrd.co/

Debunking criticisms:

While she has not been canonized officially in any Homestuck media, she will be. And while yeah Hussie and the Homestuck team DO NOT write trans characters very well (particularly Jade, who is made as a joke against trans women, but undeniably is one herself and or is intersex, but also Roxy because of the prevalence and importance of her as a trans woman in the fandom (imagine them canonizing a trans fem Dave. It is the exact. same. thing.)), June Egbert was found within the text and IS actually a good choice for representing trans women who don't realize they're trans until they're older, especially since in Homestuck proper she has a deeprooted REFUSAL to analyze her identity more than what is surface level. She holds the "I'm a straight dude" thing CLOSE to her chest. How could a character like this be trans masculine, and have already begun transitioning and have fully socially transitioned before the age of 13? It does not make sense for her character. And also Andrew Hussie's interest in this headcanon did not spawn from the Toberlone wish. Hell, the Toblerones being used as this wish giving thing only happened because he actually truly does like June. 

The fear of bad representation, the lack of actual canonization yet, and even that I truly never see media that shows a character transitioning are all things that held me back from embracing June in her entirety and shedding the trans masc headcanon I had, but god please just. Sit with the idea. Listen to trans fems. E m p a t h i z e. Consume other media than Homestuck. And for the love of god don't harass trans fems, even if they are holding none of their anger in at people still shipping a trans woman and a gay man and insisting the trans woman is a trans man even with absolutely ZERO proof aside from personal preference. The way people present themselves change in life, and these stories SHOULD be brought into media. There is a particular cruelty in the latching on trans mascs did to nb Roxy versus the way some of those same people have rejected June Egbert in her entirety. Please for the love of god care about the stories of trans fems, too

I'm orphaning this because I want to disconnect myself from it, so if you want to understand more talk to trans feminine people but if you just want to argue shut up <3 Refusing to listen to trans feminine people about matters that explicitly affect them makes you STINK of transmisogyny

**Author's Note:**

> this http://thecure.cz/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/1992-calendar-un-004.jpeg was the image dirk was referring to on his calendar


End file.
